she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize