I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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