you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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