thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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