I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
