i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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