every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
