we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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