I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
send nudes
from the living room?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
