We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
