I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize