see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
