and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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