i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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