the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i've created a new STD.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
