Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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