I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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