My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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