google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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