Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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