I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
