How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I look better un-naked...
nutella sex= disaster
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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