What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have fence marks all over my body
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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