Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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