last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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