we have officially mastered the walk of shame
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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