Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
