i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize