I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
