the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
