A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
