absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
