another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
