dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
