we have officially lost it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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