the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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