My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
