Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
