I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
