I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
