So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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