i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize