the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
