Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
