The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
