Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
4 words: hood of his car
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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