Who wears a wallet chain?!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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