fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
