my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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