i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
