how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
