i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
