no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
