We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
