If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You can't special order awesome
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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