My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
