ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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