dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize