maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
