How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
