Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
