If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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