I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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