My underwear smells like fireworks.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
