I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
