Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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