I need help removing her.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
